i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
