Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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