I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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