don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
