Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
