Betty ford says i'm here all night
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
