Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
