Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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