my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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