Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
