who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
