dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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