im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
