she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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