just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
