Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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