I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize