I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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