I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
