I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
True college students do jello shots in the library
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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