There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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