i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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