he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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