So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize