It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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