im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
