True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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