theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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