I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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