yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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