I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
