3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
