i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
