I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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