my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
