listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
