I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
