She is in my trunk
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
