I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
