How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
