These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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