shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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