I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
