And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
