We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
