goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
