why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
