can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
