I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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