i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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