Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my shit smells like andre
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I will pee on everything he values.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
