Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
