Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
