There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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