The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
