Having a random hookup so left but love u
Your mouth is God's brothel.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
