I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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