if i can run in heels then i can drive
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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