one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we're making bets on your personal life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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