i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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