my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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