That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
