3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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