I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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