she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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