I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
