so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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