I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
