I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
