Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We need a shit load of segways right now
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
