I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
