It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
