How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
