She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
