Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
