At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
