dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
