2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So squirting runs in the family.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
