he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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